I’m 73, and my husband is in permanent care. We have 3 adult children. The two eldest do so much for us, even though they have their own lives and ups and downs. One of them has a chronic condition, but he still looks after us.
It’s quite different with the youngest. She only thinks of herself, tries to get everything and abuses everyone verbally – me, her siblings, the nursing staff who look after her father.
But she will not get the better of me. I have found strength when I thought I was beaten.
We did so much – maybe too much – as her parents. We got her out of money strife, helped her get a car and rent a home. We paid her bills, bought food and clothing for her children.
Then we realised it was a big mistake and stopped funding her life. So she banned us from seeing our grandchildren. For a couple of years, we didn’t even know where she was. Now we do.
She can be ever so lovely when it suits her, but then she goes back to expecting me to provide anything she wants. When I decided it was time to stop driving, she assumed she could have my car.
Her verbal abuse is unbelievable, even to the staff where her father lives. She’s even been banned from calling or visiting the nursing home. My husband has dementia, among other things, and he doesn’t really understand how she is behaving. He finds it hard not being able to talk to her.
She hardly ever visited him before the ban, anyway. But one time when she did, the nursing staff overheard her abusing him and alerted us. That really surprised me, because until then it had always been me or her siblings on the receiving end.
I never know who or what she’s going to abuse next. Verbal abuse is as bad as, or worse than, physical abuse. But I’m not going to put up with it any more. I’ve given my car to people that I chose, who will look after it. I’m not handing out any more money, and I’m not going to answer her calls or visits. I went to the solicitor and made sure my will was watertight, unable to be challenged.
I may not be able to move very fast, but my brain has not slowed down.
If you are experiencing abuse contact 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374) or review our section on elder abuse, which includes information on how to better understand, prevent and respond to abuse in all its forms.