Everyone has the right to feel comfortable and secure in their own homes, and that right doesn’t diminish as we grow older. It also doesn’t change if someone else – a partner, adult child, friend – is sharing our home, either short-term or long-term.
Many living and visiting arrangements work out well. But sometimes, situations that start out fine can change over time. Behaviours and attitudes can gradually creep in and leave us feeling uneasy and powerless.
An adult child, who moved back for “a little while”, starts bringing in people, pets or belongings without your consent.
Our partner decides household matters without us, monitors what we do or limits our social contact.
A guest ignores our preferences for how things are done in the home.
A visitor refuses to leave when we ask them to go or treats the home in ways we don’t like.
We may not even be sure exactly why we’re feeling uncomfortable now, because the changes have been gradual or inconsistent. But anything that makes us feel uneasy or unsafe in our own homes is not okay, and it can sometimes be a sign of elder abuse.
“Elder abuse” is a term used to describe abusive behaviour towards an older person or a lack of care that results in their harm or distress. It can happen in all kinds of relationships and situations. It can be deliberate or unintentional, and it can be hard to recognise, too.
One type of elder abuse is psychological, which occurs when a person does something that makes us feel emotionally hurt, anguished, distressed or belittled. It might happen occasionally, or it might be ongoing. We may be confused about what’s happening because the person who’s abusing us mixes their manipulative behaviour with loving, conciliatory actions. This is known as “coercive control”.
We should not be upset, scared, devalued or ignored by someone who’s living or staying in our house. Feeling safe, secure and comfortable in our own homes is important for our wellbeing and independence.
If our decision-making capacity diminishes, we could feel like we’re no longer in charge at home. But we can safeguard our choices by making an enduring power of attorney, which records our wishes and preferences for others to follow on our behalf. Guardianship appointments can also protect us.
Are you feeling uncomfortable, unsafe or unvalued at home?
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