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Current research indicates that emotional or psychological abuse is the most prevalent form of abuse of older people.[i] One kind that causes special distress is when adult children disrupt their children’s contact with grandparents. This is often referred to as ‘grandparent alienation’. Sometimes, this is part of financial abuse (eg ‘sell your home and move in with us or we’ll need to move too far away for you to see the kids much’).
While we don’t know how frequently this occurs, we do know that the term ‘grandparent alienation’ is a commonly used search term on Compass and appears in online support groups and advocacy. So, it’s clearly known and in use.
However, ‘grandparent alienation’ is problematic. With its resemblance to the more well-known term ‘parental alienation’, it carries significant baggage that risks entrenching relationship problems, as well as de‑legitimising the pain that is caused when contact with grandchildren is disrupted.
This Relationships Australia article explains the origins of ‘parental alienation syndrome’ (PAS) and explains how PAS, and the later-developed term ‘parental alienation’ (PA), have been used clinically and in family law. It also recommends the use of alternative terms that:
clearly state and acknowledge the harms caused by damaging or severing the relationships between grandchildren and their grandparents
can be more persuasively used to support policy reform, and
lay a constructive basis for safe and positive intergenerational relationships.
What are parental alienation syndrome and parental alienation?
The term ‘parental alienation syndrome’ was originally coined by USA psychologist Richard Gardner in the 1980s.[ii] Gardner set out to investigate why allegations of child sexual abuse appeared to be suddenly increasing in child custody cases. He theorised that (mainly) mothers were suffering from delusions that:
led them to believe that their former partners had sexually abused their children, and
caused them to make these allegations as a litigation tactic.
These arguments were attractive to legal systems like Australia’s, which had long assumed that women are inherently irrational, unbalanced, and prone to fabricating allegations of violence.[iii] They also aligned with beliefs that child sexual abuse was rare. Consequently, such arguments were readily adopted by family lawyers internationally.
Over time, influential institutions rejected the idea that there was a syndrome, and PA replaced PAS.[iv]A range of inquiries and research showed that familial child sexual abuse and other forms of child maltreatment are not uncommon and called for children’s concerns about their safety to be heard[v] and taken more seriously.[vi]
But concerns that (mainly) mothers were fabricating allegations of abuse and otherwise sabotaging relationships between children and their (mainly) fathers have remained highly influential. In 2006, these concerns underpinned changes in Australian family law that sought to neutralise such sabotage, and privilege contact between even violent parents and their children.[vii]
Why is ‘alienation’ divisive and unhelpful?
Using these ‘alienation’ terms is likely to be counterproductive, because PAS and PA both come with extensive baggage. These terms:
are used mainly against mothers and maternal grandparents by fathers[viii]
are used to portray mothers as mentally ill and manipulative of their children and children as suffering from a mental illness, leading to resistance to contact with the ‘alienated’ parent (usually the father)[ix]
echo older ‘mother-blaming’ theories, such as that of the cold ‘schizophrenogenic’ mother who caused schizophrenia and the ‘refrigerator mother’ who ‘caused’ autism[x]
are perceived as:
erasing or minimising domestic and family violence against mothers[xi]
erasing, disbelieving or minimising child maltreatment; in particular, child sexual abuse[xii]
contributing to failure to investigate allegations of intimate partner violence and child maltreatment,[xiii] and
leading to court orders in which a possible risk of losing connection between a child and their abuser is treated more seriously than evidence of physical harm[xiv]
discourage victim survivors of domestic and family violence from reporting abuse,[xv]leading to unsafe court orders[xvi]
are used by perpetrators of coercive controlling behaviours as part of systems abuse,[xvii] and
distract from the time and attention that should be given to children’s best interests[xviii] by focusing on disputes between adults.
Both critics and supporters of PA agree that the term ‘parental alienation’ is highly controversial.[xix]
Using ‘alienation’ about grandparent–grandchild separation to get policy attention and restore relationships is itself likely to alienate potential advocates. It may also prompt hostile or defensive responses from adult children, who may feel that they are being accused of child abuse. Temporary rifts may become entrenched ‘no contact’ situations, to the detriment of grandchildren and grandparents.
Moving forward
Grandparents who have unwillingly lost contact with their grandchildren deserve policy and service responses that will help them restore relationships. They deserve recognition of their loss and pain. We also need language that persuades governments to maintain accessible, affordable services to help grandparents navigate relationship challenges.
The use of divisive, controversial language distracts from chronic under-funding of elder abuse services, and the ‘postcode lottery’ that leaves too many grandparents without help when they are experiencing emotional abuse (with or without financial abuse). It diverts focus from what should be the central concern in any family conflict: the rights and best interests of children.
What could we use instead? The term ‘emotional abuse’ clearly describes what may be happening when an adult child disrupts or prevents the development of a relationship between grandchild and grandparent. It is a term already well known and accepted by policy-makers and researchers. It should be preferred to contentious terms that bring distraction and deflection rather than workable solutions that prioritise children’s best interests.
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More informationReferences
Alsalem, R. (2023). Custody, violence against women and violence against children: Report of the Special Rapporteur on violence against women and girls. A/HRC/53/36. Accessible at https://www.ohchr.org/en/documents/thematic-reports/ahrc5336-custody-violence-against-women-and-violence-against-children
ANROWS (2022) Input for SR VAWG’s report on violence against women and children in custody cases. Accessible at https://www.anrows.org.au/resources/office-of-the-high-commissioner-for-human-rights-ohchr-input-for-the-special-rapporteur-vawg-report-on-violence-against-women-and-children-in-custody-cases/
Carson, R., Dunstan, E., Dunstan, J., & Roopani, D. (2018). Children and young people in separated families: Family law system experiences and needs. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Accessible at https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/1806_children_and_young_people_in_separated_families_report_0.pdf
Carson, R., Kaspiew, R., Qu, L., De Maio, J., Rhoades, H., Stevens, E., Horsfall, B., Press, L., & Dimopoulos, G. (2022). Compliance with and enforcement of family law parenting orders: Final report (Research report, 20/2022). ANROWS. Accessible at https://anrows-2019.s3.ap-southeast-2.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/23163803/4AP.2-Kaspiew-RR2-Family-Law-Parenting-Orders.pdf
Death, J., Ferguson, C., & Burgess, K. (2019). Parental alienation, coaching and the best interests of the child: Allegations of child sexual abuse in the Family Court of Australia. Child Abuse & Neglect, 94, Article number 104045. doi: 10.1016/j.chiabu.2019.104045
Dimock, S. (2008). Reasonable Women in the Law. Critical Review of International Social and Political Philosophy 11(2). https://ssrn.com/abstract=2180060
Gardner R. A. (1985). Recent trends in divorce and custody litigation. (Conference paper.) Academy Forum, 29:3–7.
Gardner, R. A. (1998). Recommendations for dealing with parents who induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in their children. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 28(3-4):1–23. doi: 10.1300/J087v28n03_01
Gardner, R. A. (1999). Guidelines for assessing parental preference in child-custody disputes. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 30(1/2):1–9. doi: 10.1300/J087v30n01_01
Gardner, R. A. (2002). Parental Alienation Syndrome vs. Parental Alienation: which diagnosis should evaluators use in child-custody disputes? The American Journal of Family Therapy, 30(2):93–115. doi: 10.1080/019261802753573821.
Gardner, R. A. (2003). Does DSM-IV have equivalents for the Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) diagnosis? The American Journal of Family Therapy, 31(1):1–21. doi: 10.1080/01926180301132
Gardner, R. A. (2004). Commentary on Kelly and Johnston’s The alienated child: a reformation of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Family Court Review, 42(4):611–621. doi: 10.1111/j.174-1617.2004.tb01327.x
Harman, J. J., & Lorandos, D. (2021). Allegations of family violence in court: How parental alienation affects judicial outcomes. Psychology, Public Policy, and Law, 27(2):184–208. doi: 10.1037/law0000301
Harman, J., Warshak, R. A., Lorandos, D. & Florian, M. J. (2022). Developmental psychology and the scientific status of parental alienation. Developmental Psychology, 58(10):1887–1911. doi: 10.1037/dev0001404
Haslam D, Mathews B, Pacella R, Scott JG, Finkelhor D, Higgins DJ, Meinck F, Erskine HE, Thomas HJ, Lawrence D, Malacova E. (2023). The prevalence and impact of child maltreatment in Australia: Findings from the Australian Child Maltreatment Study: Brief Report. Australian Child Maltreatment Study, Queensland University of Technology. Accessible at https://www.acms.au/
Head, K. R. (2026). When retraction replaces rebuttal: Suppression of critical scholarship on parental alienation. Frontiers in Research Metrics and Analytics, 11(1807122). doi: 10.3389/frma.2026.1807122
Kaspiew, R., Horsfall, B., Qu, L., Nicholson, J. M., Humphreys, C., Diemer, K., … Dunstan, J. (2017). Domestic and family violence and parenting: Mixed method insights into impact and support needs: Final report (ANROWS Horizons 04/2017). ANROWS. Accessible at https://www.anrows.org.au/publication/domestic-and-family-violence-and-parenting-mixed-method-insights-into-impact-and-support-needs-final-report/
Korosi, S. (2026). Contesting parent‒child contact problems: Parental alienation, gendered domestic abuse, and the discourse politics of post-separation family harm. UniSC Research Bank. [Journal of Marital and Family Therapy].[LE1] doi: 10.31235/osf.io/cbs54_v1
Mathews, B., Finkelhor, D., Pacella, R., Scott, J. G., Higgins, D. J., Meinck, F., Erskine, H. E., Thomas, H. J., Lawrence, D., Malacova, E., Haslam, D. M., & Collin-Vézina, D. (2024). Child sexual abuse by different classes and types of perpetrator: Prevalence and trends from an Australian national survey. Child Abuse & Neglect, 147, 106562. doi: 10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.106562
McInnes, E. (2014). Madness in family law: Mothers’ mental health in the Australian family law system. Psychiatry, Psychology and Law, 21(1):78‒91. doi: 10.1080/13218719.2013.774688
Qu, L., Kaspiew, R., Carson, R., Roopani, D., De Maio, J., Harvey, J., Horsfall, B. (2021). National Elder Abuse Prevalence Study: Final Report. (Research report). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Accessible at https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/2021_national_elder_abuse_prevalence_study_final_report_0.pdf
Royal Commission into Institutional Response to Child Sexual Abuse. Final Report. (2017) Accessible at https://www.childabuseroyalcommission.gov.au/final-report
Scutt, J. A. (1992). The incredible woman: A recurring character in criminal law. Women’s Studies International Forum, (15)4 . Available at https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/027753959290079B?via%3Dihub
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[i] Qu et al, 2021.
[ii] See, eg, Gardner, 1985, 1998, 1999, 2002, 2003 and 2004.
[iii] These assumptions date back to the seventeenth century and have survived into the twenty-first century: see, eg, Dimock, 2008; Scutt, 1992.
[iv] Head, 2026, notes that the ‘American Psychological Association, the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, and the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children have either rejected or cautioned against its use’. The American Psychiatric Association has repeatedly declined to include PAS in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Critics argue it lacks a sufficient body of peer-reviewed, empirical evidence to be classified as a distinct medical or psychological syndrome: see, eg, Alsalem, 2023.
[v] As required by Australia’s obligations under the Convention on the Rights of the Child, especially Article 12.
[vi] See, eg, the Final Report of the Royal Commission into Institutional Response to Child Sexual Abuse, 2017; the Australian Child Maltreatment Study: Haslem et al, 2023; Matthews et al, 2024. See also Carson et al, 2018.
[vii] Similar laws have been introduced in a range of other countries: see, eg, Alsalem, 2023, paragraph 51. In Australia, however, the Australian Parliament amended the Family Law Act 1975 in 2024 so that judges must now prioritise children’s safety and not assume that contact with a parent, including an abusive parent, is in children’s best interests.
[viii] See, eg, Alsalem, 2023; Death et al, 2019.
[ix] See, eg, Death et al, 2019; McInnes, 2014.
[x] Sterwald & Baker, 2019.
[xi] See, eg, Alsalem, 2023.
[xii] See, eg, Alsalem, 2023.
[xiii] See, eg, Alsalem, 2023; McInnes, 2013.
[xiv] See, eg, Alsalem, 2023; Death et al, 2019; McInnes et al, 2014.
[xv] See, eg, ANROWS, 2022.
[xvi] See, eg, Kaspiew et al, 2017; Carson et al, 2022.
[xvii] See, eg, Alsalem, 2023; ANROWS, 2022
[xviii] As required by, for example, the Family Law Act and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
[xix] For supporters of PA, see, eg, Harman et al, 2022; Head, 2026; Korosi, 2026. For critics of PA, see, eg, Alsalem, 2023.
About the Author
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Relationships Australia
Relationships Australia
Relationships Australia promotes the importance of respectful relationships for both in...
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